


Ache

by Xyzcl



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Body Euphoria, M/M, Pre KHMoM, Replica Bodies, Side Axel/Roxas - Freeform, Trans Male Character, Vanitas cries, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29626107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyzcl/pseuds/Xyzcl
Summary: Ventus has been trying to distract himself from the ache in his heart with throwing everything he has into searching for Sora. He finally has his friends back, they're safe, and yet there's still something missing that he can't seem to put his finger on. In between the trips into the Realm of Darkness, he spends some of his time in Radiant Garden either being checked over by Ansem and Even to see if there was anything wrong with his body after so long without his heart in the deep sleep he'd been in or scaring some of the world's inhabitants by climbing up onto one of the castle's towers to look out at the ocean between worlds but whenever he's alone, he can't help but wonder what's causing his heartache.
Relationships: Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 17





	Ache

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for a friend after they drew an amazing picture of Vanitas crying, I swear I'm gonna be looking at that picture every day for WEEKS. Thanks again for drawing the boy!!!

Ventus let out a quiet sigh as he looked over the edge of the world from his vantage point atop one of the towers of Radiant Garden’s castle, gazing out into the ocean between worlds as he looked from star to star, wondering to himself somewhere on one of those worlds he would be able to find Vanitas. There had been so many he’d gone through whenever he had free time away from the Realm of Darkness where he’d been searching for answers about where Sora had gone with Aqua and Terra. As much as he loved spending time with his friends after so long asleep dreaming of the adventures Sora and Roxas had gone on while he was locked away in Castle Oblivion, he still felt like there was something, or rather someone, missing. He’d gotten to see how tall Lea- no, Axel, had become after so long apart, he had gotten to meet Riku and Kairi who were so important to Sora in person for the first time after seeing them through Sora’s eyes for so long, he had gotten to meet Roxas and Xion for the first time in a way that seemed more real than the space inside Sora’s heart where the three of them had spent days on end together as they joined him, and he’d gotten to meet so many new people over just the period of time since Sora had disappeared after the final battle. His life had been so busy since he’d woken up and yet, there was still something missing that left his heart feeling empty. The ache where someone was missing, he knew it wasn’t from Sora being missing as it had started before then and yet, he still couldn’t quite put his finger on what was missing. He had Chirithy and knew that Lauriam and Elrena were safe, even if they hadn’t been found yet. The ache in his heart, he knew it couldn’t be from another friend whose name he couldn’t even recall after the undeterminable number of years he had lost from his memories of the past before Xehanort had taken him as his apprentice because it was an ache that hadn’t existed until after his battle against Vanitas in the Keyblade Graveyard. 

“Want some company?” a familiar voice asked from the doorway on the balcony below the tower roof where Ventus was sitting. 

Ven looked down, spotting Axel looking up at him from the balcony below him. He paused for a moment before nodding and tossing down the rope ladder Merlin had given him at Even’s request after he had been spotted climbing up the side of the tower to the roof for the fifth time so that his friend could join him on the roof. 

“Are Roxas and Xion busy?” Ventus asked once his friend joined him on the roof, the two of them settled in to watch the sunrise. 

“They’re both downstairs getting a checkup from Even and Ansem, something about replicas and body temperature management they both got too embarrassed to talk to me about.” Axel explained as he settled in on the sloped roof. 

The blond let out a confirming hum, knowing from experience that some of Even’s checkups could be a little….invasive compared to what he expected a normal doctor’s appointment was like. His only experiences with routine checkups were all seen through Sora’s eyes during the time he was asleep in his heart as he watched the boy who had patched his fractured heart grow up into the teenager he was when Ven had woken up again and yet, even with his lack of experience he was very aware that most routine doctor’s appointments shouldn’t require for his whole body to be looked over and around thirty lab tests done on his bodily fluids once every four to six weeks. As far as he could tell from the experiences of his friends, it was only him that had to go through the gauntlet of tests as routinely as he did. 

“How did your last checkup go?” Ventus asked while still staring out at the sunrise, appreciating it more then than he ever had before he had left the Land of Departure.

“They finally decided they’ve poked me enough times and said I’m fine.” Axel explained before looking over at his friend. “What about you?”

Ven let out a sigh and shook his head. “I didn’t get that lucky. I guess they’re worried about me falling asleep and not waking up or something.”

The redhead let out a quiet hum of confirmation, leaning back against his hands. “You did sleep for a long time. You didn’t become a Nobody like I did so your body just....existed I guess? But your heart wasn’t there, it was with Sora wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah, I guess it must’ve been with Roxas for a little while too because I remember you and him talking about what love is.” Ventus explained with a teasing lilt, watching as his friend’s face turned almost as red as his hair. “Don’t worry, I didn’t see anything.”

“Have you told Roxas that you…?” Axel seemed embarrassed from the knowledge that someone else had technically been present during some of his and Roxas’ more private moments. 

“No, I don’t think he’d handle embarrassment as well as you do.” Ventus answered as he tried not to laugh. 

The two of them chatted idly while they watched the sun rise over the edge of the world where water used to flow in fountains that would keep the flowers and other plants the world had gotten its name from hydrated so they would flourish in the many garden beds scattered throughout the world. It was a pleasant experience after the years of wondering what was coming next, a reprieve from all the constant fighting and wondering if his friends were going to make it home safe that was greatly appreciated not just by him but by his friends as well. 

If only he could do something about the ache in his heart....

  
  


Vanitas blinked slowly, covering his eyes with his hands to shield himself from the blinding light above him. Why was it so bright all of a sudden? Where had the darkness he had been floating through gone? He could feel more than just pain for the first time since he had faded away in the Keyblade Graveyard, he could feel the chill of the table under him, the weight of the blanket that covered his legs and lower stomach, the pull of the adhesive stickers attached to his chest, and as he tried to adjust to the strange sensations along his body, he could hear someone’s voice calling out to him to his right. 

“-tas? Vanitas? Can you hear me?” the frustratingly familiar man’s voice asked him, a bare hand on his bare arm causing him to jump as he quickly shoved the hand off of him with his arms. 

“Don’t touch me!” Vanitas shouted as he tried to sit up and was stopped by a familiar girl with black hair and a boy who looked like a poorly made copy of Ventus.

“Vanitas, we’re not going to hurt you.” the girl explained as calmly as she could.

Her voice was almost soothing, comforting in a way that frustrated him. He couldn’t relax though, not after what had happened the last two times he had been suddenly dragged into a physical figure, dragged into the reality that so many others had taken for granted throughout their existence. Compared to the rest of them though, he shouldn’t exist. He was something that didn’t belong with the people who had taken Ventus in without a moment of hesitation, he was a monster molded by the hands of Xehanort for the single purpose of allowing the end of the world. All he was, all he could ever be, was a time bomb, a partial existence without a fully formed heart. He fed off the fear of others, existed in constant pain, and yet in that moment, for the first time since he had been forcefully ripped away from Ventus, he wasn’t in pain. In that moment, while he could feel hands trying to convince him to lay back down, the chill of the whole room, and the weight of what little cover the blanket offered him to the prying eyes of everyone around him, for the first time he wasn’t in pain. Vanitas looked around the room, seeing Vexen standing back with the old man he had been so interested in finding and a boy with gray hair that covered his face, all three of them wearing white lab coats that seemed almost just as foul as the black coats Xehanort had forced them all to wear after he’d been dragged into reality the second time. 

“What did you do to me?” Vanitas asked, glaring at everyone else in the room as he tried to process everything that was going on. 

“We’ve given you a replica body, one formed of neither darkness nor light.” the gray haired boy explained.

“You made me into a doll?!” 

The amount of anger in his voice must have tripped off some sort of fear reaction in the boy as he flinched, the old man walking over to remove the wires stuck onto his chest with strange stickers as Vexen ran out of the room in a hurry to grab something. The Ventus copy glared at him with an anger that didn’t seem right. There was no way not-Ven was anything like the same boy he himself had been torn away from, Ventus wasn’t capable of that kind of anger. 

“We’re not dolls!” not-Ven yelled, balling his fists in anger and stepping away before he did something stupid.

“Our bodies are replicas but our hearts are ours.” the girl explained as she continued to try and comfort him.

“You say that but you’re just as fake as I am. I remember you, Xemnas used to talk about you and that other fake. You two are just copies of someone else’s memories pretending you’re the real one.” Vanitas sneered before swatting away the girl’s hands, trying to remember what her name had been. What had Xehanort called her?

The girl shook her head, settling in on the foot of the cold bed and holding her arm out to stop not-Ven from running over to punch the taste out of Vanitas’ mouth. Xion, that’s what the mess of Xehanorts had called her, her name was Xion. 

“Yes, I was made to be a copy of Sora. I’m still so grateful that Even made a mistake when he made me, that he and Isa were able to convince Xemnas I would still be useful, and that I was able to become who I am now. I met Roxas and Axel, we became friends and with their help, my heart became my own. If not for them, I would have just been a useless puppet, I would have been just a doll.” Xion explained, offering a reassuring smile to the blanket covered boy. “You and Ven had help too, even if you don’t want to admit it. Sora helped you two just like he had helped us, he let all of us be our own person and make our own choices.”

“Xehanort is gone now, he passed away after his final battle with Sora. It is up to you whether or not you choose to believe me, however all the proof you need can be found if you only look at your reflection.” the old man explained as he motioned to a mirror sitting on the table beside the bed Vanitas was in. “Roxas, Xion, Ienzo, would you please leave us for a moment? Even should be back soon and may need your help more than I will.”

Vanitas turned to look at the mirror, freezing in shock as he stared at his reflection. He still had the same borrowed appearance as before, looking as much like Sora as not-Ven looked like Ventus, but his eyes that he had seen so many times as gold in the reflections of glass he wanted so badly to shatter whenever he had passed a building with his helmet off before he had nearly permanently left it on, were now a deep shade of red. He reached up to touch his face to confirm it was his own reflection, forcing his breath to stay relaxed as a new feeling he had never felt before caused him to nearly begin hyperventilating. Everything felt so strange and yet, for the first time since he had been ripped from Ventus’ heart, he felt like he was finally himself. It was a strange feeling, one that caused his stomach to knot and his chest to ache, the only familiar feeling being the burn of salt as his vision blurred with tears. Vanitas rubbed at his eyes with his forearm to clear his vision in an attempt to keep himself composed even though a part of him knew that the old man wouldn’t tell anyone he had been crying if he asked him. He could hear the door open again as he continued to furiously rub away whatever traitorous tears attempted to make their way down his face and only turned to see what was going on when he heard someone drop something. As he whipped his head around to see what was going on, he saw the all too familiar form of Ventus standing just inside the room with his back nearly against the door with a look of shock on his face, a pile of clothing on the floor in front of him that must have been what he dropped. This time, he knew the person he was looking at was Ventus, not another half copy like the not-Ven he had seen before. 

“Vanitas? Is it really you?” Ventus asked as he made to step towards the bed, only stopping for a moment to pick up the pile of clothing before running over to the side of the bed the other boy was sitting up on. 

“I....maybe? I’m not really sure…” Vanitas mumbled as he took a deep breath in an attempt to process fully what was going on. “How did I get here?” 

“We pieced together your heart from where its fragments slept in Ventus’ own and placed the pieces here in this replica.” Vex-....Even explained while he checked to make sure no one else was waiting down the hall to eavesdrop. “It was harder for you than with Roxas, Xion, and Namine however your body should have better circulation than theirs does. We attempted to take care of your scars as they formed, however there were two under your pectoral muscles that Sora has as well we couldn’t remove as well as one in the center of your chest. I believe they’re the result of the bond your hearts formed as he pieced you together the first time, just as the scar in the center of your chest from when you and Ventus were separated is shared by Roxas as well as the two of you.”

Vanitas reached up to feel the large scar in question, looking up at Ventus to see his other half covering the same space on his own chest with one hand. It was something they had shared as long as they had been separate existences, a birthmark of sorts for Vanitas as a reminder of the space he was no longer allowed to inhabit but always seemed to seek. 

“You should probably get dressed Vanitas, I don’t believe Ventus is quite ready for an anatomy lesson.” the old man explained before turning his back to the two boys for modesty’s sake. 

“What do you mean by that Ansem?” Ventus asked, setting the clothes he had been instructed to bring on the side of the bed before turning to look at the two scientists. 

“Vanitas and Sora have….slightly different bodies than you and Roxas do.” Ansem replied, clearing his throat out of sheer awkwardness. “It would be best if you two talk somewhere more private about the matter once you’ve shown Vanitas the room you’ll be sharing with him.”

Vanitas took advantage of the split second his light had his back turned to grab the pair of plain black boxer briefs and pull them on, knowing just enough about what embarrassment felt like after the communal baths the Xehanort collective had forced on him and some of the other members of the Real Organization XIII as he realized that his body was indeed different than all the men he had bathed with. He pulled on the loose pair of red and black shorts in time for Ventus to turn around and finished getting dressed quickly so he could finally leave the room he had woken up in. It smelled too clean in a way he wanted to run away from and with the offer of being able to stay close to Ventus, he was more than happy to go wherever his other half led him.

Happiness. It was a strange thing to him but as he pulled on the pair of old tennis shoes that must have been Sora’s, he knew what he was feeling must have been happiness. For the first time, he knew for a fact he was feeling an emotion that wasn’t going to cause him to throw up the strange dark fluid that created his Unversed, he knew he wouldn’t feel the acidic bite in his throat, he knew he wouldn’t feel the sharp stomach pain. 

“Come on Vanitas, let’s go to our room.” Ventus held out his hand with the same bright smile he wished he had been able to see for so long. 

Vanitas nodded and accepted the hand that was offered to him. “Let’s go.”

  
  


Ventus held the warm hand in his, feeling the calluses on his darkness’ hand where his hand had adjusted to holding a keyblade as he tried to focus on making his way to their room. The ache in his heart he had grown so used to was finally gone, he felt complete there with Vanitas next to him in a way he hadn’t realized he had missed. Once he made it to the room he was staying in, he held the door open for Vani and closed it quickly behind the two of them. 

“How do you feel? Do you hurt anywhere? Did they do any tests on you?” Ventus asked as he looked over his other half, wanting nothing more than to just lay on the bed with him and pretend he didn’t have to leave in a few days to continue his search for Sora in the Realm of Darkness. 

“I’m as fine as someone can be after being forced into a strange body-thing.” Vanitas explained with a shrug. “I don’t hurt for once and I don’t think they did any tests on me.”

Ventus watched as the black haired boy looked over his arms to see if there were any strange markings on him, the lack of scars catching him as much off guard as it had caught Vanitas earlier. His skin was pale which was to be expected after so long wearing the dark bodysuit like a second skin and as Ven watched, he couldn’t help but reach out and hug his other half.

“Come on, let’s take a nap. You’re safe here with me, we’re together again like we’re supposed to be.” Ventus mumbled against Vanitas’ shoulder. 

Ven felt a hand rubbing his back only realizing he had started crying when he noticed the front of his darkness’ shirt had gotten damp. He pulled away quickly, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his forearm before looking back at his companion to see Vanitas was also crying. The two of them toed off their shoes and made their way to the bed to lay down together, just holding the other close while they both silently cried. In that moment, he finally realized how Axel and Roxas must have felt when they had finally gotten time away from everyone else. The sheer feeling of being whole again, of having the person he cared for the most in the world there with him, it was a feeling he had never thought he would feel and yet, there he was. 

“Welcome home Vanitas.” Ventus mumbled when he finally stopped crying, wiping what was left of his tears away. 

As Ven watched, he saw the edges of Vanitas’ lips turn up in a smile for the first time, the smile causing his heart to skip a beat. Vani adjusted so he was using Ventus’ chest as a pillow with his ear pressed so he could listen to his heart beat. 

“I’m home Ven.”


End file.
